It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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