So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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