Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
