so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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