You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
