dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
