Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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