I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
