So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
