So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
