Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
