All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
