He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
