If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
