Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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