Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
