I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
