what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
