You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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