Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
