shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
