I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
