i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
