Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
