i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am full of burrito and curiosity
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
