I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
