You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
