i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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