it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
