Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
