My cat gives me a boner
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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