omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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