Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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