there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
