my vag is so smooth its legendary
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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