I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
