i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
