there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
