What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
