I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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