i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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