My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
