You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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