My hand turned me down
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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