Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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