Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
