would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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