So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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