I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
