i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
