google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
